Friday, November 22, 2013

Emery,,,love and blessing,,,trial and fire....

Yikes! If you are wondering why I haven't posted since I started this blog it is a very simple reason. Memory loss. I forgot my password to aol. I couldn't get into my account to update this account. Technology and I do not like each other. Don't worry I wrote all my passwords down this time and put them in a very special place. wink, wink. So here's what's happening. I posted a blog I wrote 2 years ago before I lost my password. Not much has changed about that. Read and you will for sure know that is true. In my life a trillion and one things have changed. I had about 40 chickens up until last week. We have around 8 now. We added 2 lovely milk goats who will be bringing us forth gallons of milk in the spring. Oh we added another human to our farm. Yes, you heard me right we had a baby.Some will ask all those stupid questions, like oh was she planned? Every child is planned. How did that happen? Well, I really do not want to give a biology lesson if you need me to you will need to make an appointment. What does Jeff say? Jeff has always said that he will welcome as many babies as I want to birth. ( I am not sure he realized what he was saying when he said that.) Alas, he thinks children are a blessing as well. I had a pretty easy pregnancy until around 33 weeks. I lost all my amniotic fluid and was put in the hospital. My fluid went back up and I birthed Emery naturally at 36 weeks and came on her own accord:) It was painful but that is another blog in itself. I really want to talk about how life changed dramatically 4 hours after Emery was born. We thought we gave birth to a healthy whole baby girl only to find out she was born with a birth defect. It was a very minor birth defect if we look at the spectrum of defects. To our family it was a very MAJOR life changing birth defect. She was born with cleft soft palate. I am sure you know of cleft lips, Emery has only the cleft in her soft palate in the very back of her mouth. It could have been much worse. I am really tired of hearing that even though I KNOW it is true and we are blessed that she will only require one surgery and not the multiple surgeries a child born with cleft lip has. Emery could not suck. Not only did this propose a breastfeeding challenge she couldn't drink from a regular bottle. For the first months of Em's life I tried to nurse and pump and use special needs feeders over and over and over all day long for 24 hours . My life was feeding a baby. I finally gave up on the hope of getting Emery to latch and me squeeze the milk into her mouth as another baby with cleft palate and mommy were doing I had met.This sweet mother tried desperately to help me.She only had the one, I had 2 other children, a husband, a farm, a house to contend with. So from then on out my life was (is) my hospital grade breast pump. I love this pump it is my friend I named her pump. We talk every 3 hours sometimes 2, we drink coffee together, we eat lunch together, we teach the older kids together, we fold laundry, watch tv, check Facebook, feed a baby a bottle (most of the time) together. We even sleep together:) Pump has been there to help me give my baby what I feel like is the best I can give her to eat. I am grieving still the loss of breastfeeding. I am not sure what stage I am in. I honestly go from anger, to sadness interchangeably. We spend approximately 180 minutes a day together 1260 minutes a week. At this date, I have spent 240 days pumping this year already, I have spent approximately 72000 minutes with Pump from Emery's birth. That is 1200 hours pumping milk. I know that to some of you you are thinking well if you breastfed you will still be spending that time. YES, I would also be feeding her though now you have to figure in the times I feed her with the bottle afterwards and yes sometimes I feed her at the same time to save time. I have a great husband and daughter who helped me also. The next thing you have to think about is how she eats. She doesn't suck remember. So therefore you must squeeze the bottle into her mouth and she sorta laps it up into her throat. The first 4 months were complete craziness with using different bottles, milk coming out her nose, nipples breaking. I finally found a great nipple that cost $20 a nipple. I bought 3 and 1 was given to me. They all broke in my opinion due to very poor quality.From then on we looked for a cheaper alternative that I could maintain.We ended up with the Gerber cheap bottles that are flexible. I still have 5 medela nipples that need replaced but who has time to put that in the mail right now. Oh, I forgot to mention the time it takes to maintain a pump and bottles. I can't even put that into the time equation. I guess around 30 minutes 2 times a day. That is a guess. I am not complaining,or maybe I am. I am simply telling the world what I am going through I don't really care if you care. I just need to vent and I need people to realize there are other women out there who pump milk for their babies due to any number of reasons. I didn't mention the financial burden that came. I fully expected to nurse my baby. That was free. I want her to have my milk. I have to rent a pump, buy bottles, buy soap for the bottles, buy milk bags, buy steamer bags to sanitize, buy the membranes every month or two, buy Ziploc bags for my pump parts( of which I just use a tremendous amount of )and milk increase supplements. Did I mention I do not have insurance and Emery's insurance doesn't cover those little things that are necessary to be successful at pumping.I am sure at this point you are thinking why do you do it? I do it because I want to. I want to give her the best I feel I can for. I could give her formula nothing wrong with that I have given her some in the past when my milk supply is not great. I am able to pump right now and that is what I am going to keep doing. Is it demanding yes, is breastfeeding yes, is bottle feeding yes. Having a newborn is always demanding. I am not saying my struggle is worse than someone else' just different.I know that things could be worse. Trust me. Do I have up days and down days yes. I believe all worked together for the good also. So this one thing in my life, our life will not be a defining moment rather than a step to what we should do or become. It will not say this is the end it will instead say look where you were at Rachel and now where you are. It will be a piece of our story and not the book. In fact, there are so many pieces of the puzzle you would think we had the complete set. We do not. I could say that I will not blog anymore sad blogs. That would be a lie. Emery still has a surgery coming up soon. We still have a farm and 2 other children. So life is still always going to be a little unpredictable. I am happy for this one thing, God's never changing love. I write this blog because I see some of you backing away from us and I understand why. I may seem not all there, a bad friend, more out spoken than normal, a little off, scatter brained(more than I use to be) and I kinda wanted to explain some stuff to you. Some of you ask some don't. I don't really think I need to tell you but also want to in the same breath. I get really torn as to how much is complaining and how much is sharing with close friends life changes so they can help me through them. I figure after this blog post you either get or you don't. Please keep us in your prayers on December 4th. Emery will be having her surgery. Today I found out that another friend from our homeschooling coop will be at the hospital as well with her daughter. So when you pray for Emery P\pray for her friend as well. Also the sweet mom who tried to help me nurse, her daughters surgery is the 8th. Did I vent yes, AM I blessed totally, Does God heal and complete us YES!! I am counting my blessings...they go on and on and on. ...Do not be weary ...Galatians 6:9..I am praying for strength...to not faint...:)

Monday, July 23, 2012

randomness

Here is my top ten list of things that I do that annoy me. 1. Start projects and forget about them. 2. Bite my nails. 3. Love animals so much it hurts, COME ON they are not humans..grow up Rach 4. Desire to be creative so bad that it hurts. 5. Have to many new things going at a time to really master 1 thing i.e. bread making, herb mixing, fermenting foods, making cheese. 6. Tell people to much of my life, I am way to open with people who really have not earned my life story or song, for that matter I need to just keep somethings to myself. 7. I am a loud mouth. I talk a lot. See number 6. 8. I have big problem with being politically correct, I don't get it or see the benefit until I say the wrong thing to the wrong person and boom the whole county hates me. And be honest you know I just say what everyone is thinking and someone has to be that person right? 9. I love sarcasm. Yes, I know what this means. I have had Psychology 101. I would love to stop. Can't. Do. It. 10. Refer back to number 6. See I TOLD YOU SO.

Monday, May 17, 2010

Green Acres..is the place for me...

Ok so I totally feel like Eva...Well except for no Cow...or Horse yet..And I wasn't rich when I moved.....We are moved into our almost 2 acre little place. I think it is a lot of work and have not seen rest yet... Also we are still struggling with the rat race. I am sooo worn with the move and the end of the year happenings with School. Also, I just feel completely helpless with one situation in my life and can only trust God it will work for the good, AND that the work he started in me he will finish.

The garden is coming in as well as the 2 million weeds to come with it. Honestly I can't tell the Corn from the weeds except that the corn is in a straighter row HA.The apartment we own is not refinished yet to rent but hope by the end of Summer will be ready!! I mowed the front yard with the push mower and it took me 3 hours. WOW Needless to say I did not do the back yard. Oh We also have 4 hens and 1 rooster. EXCITING. Jeff built a coop and is going to make it a rolling coop so they can be free-range but safe from the coyotes! Yes I heard Coyotes ...I have plans of opening a little produce stand because the road I live on is very busy, I think it will do really well. I also have another business idea let you know how that works later.

The kids are just as silly as ever. Chi says the craziest things and does the silliest. He likes to be a super hero and his arm has super powers. He says to us "MY Power is broken got to get some more." and shoots us...LOL...what a nut...Talya is amazing student. She loves to read and is reading things I did not read until...,, well was gonna lie and say High School which is where I should have read it...then was going to say College which was my final chance but...no.. I do have the same taste in reading for fun though. We both love to read mystery. She is on her 5th Nancy Drew since January , and that is not counting all the books she has to read for school including , her Abeka readers, The Secret Garden, The Odyssey (reading together)and tons more. We have been learning about the beginning of history, Ancients, so we learned about Anciet Greece, King TUT and Moses. She took her standardized Tests last week. I really enjoy our days together while they are little. I appreciate my husband who supports me and wants it for our kids. He works so hard and puts a lot of integrity into his workmanship. Thank you honey.

Well in our efforts to be greener or live off the land more I think we have gotten a good start. Garden, check, Chickens, check, recycled home, check. Still to do
1. worm farm for our chickens and garden
2. secret project for me
3. pictures hung in house
4. curtains picked out
5. goat to mow the yard


with Love

Wednesday, March 3, 2010

plans change..life goes on..

Well so we didn't buy just land to build a house. In order for life to be more simple right now we decided it would be better to look for houses with land. So we did and found a great house on couple of acres with a possible income potential and the possibility of more land in the future if the people decide to sell near us:)The neighbors told us that the garden spot in the back is one of the best in the county:) That is very exciting the garden is huge, not sure if ours will be that big this year but will definitely have a garden!! I love to play volleyball in the backyard and we have a great space for that too!! The selling point for us was the country setting and my hubby gets a shop after 4 years of no creative outlet space he now has his own building!! The house it self needs updates and some work but this will be our first house we have not built and should be interesting to work on! Also this is the first house I have not just showed up to with a key , meaning I have work to do and some say so in what happens to it LOL... Jeff still says we will buy land somewhere else to just have a place to escape the world another blog for another day! I can only focus on this right now!! This still means we have a beautiful house in the city for lease but if market picks up we can sell or just lease it. At any rate if you know someone who wants to lease let me know the house is amazing and in a great city local!
On the same note We had a wonderful realtor, Jennifer Douglass and if you need one I recommend her. She always made sure we understood everything. In the closing we had a notary for a closer and this being our first real purchase (meaning not construction loans going to a mortgage) this closer was just sliding papers across for us to sign, I was getting uncomfortable and starting trying to read the legal jargon but of course we didn't have enough time...after a few signatures Jennifer our realtor said stop, and she was not comfortable with the closer not explaining what we were signing...at that point Jeff said "I have been through 4 closings and have never had a closer just slide the papers over for me to sign"..the closer didn't know what she was doing and had no clue so Jennifer went and got our banker who just reassured us this was normal and went over the questions we had. Afterwards both Jenn and banker said the closer had not a clue.This made me feel really good that we had someone who knew what they were doing. That is my story I have had other Realtors and sold other properties and bought other properties but Jennifer has been a great fit for us and is very thorough,,and not afraid of saying what is wrong or right!

Monday, January 18, 2010

Help me puppy....

Some times we are all in a situation where we just need a little help and really we would probably be willing to take it from anyone or in some cases any animal. Last Night my dear sweet son was sent to bed or taken rather forcibly to his bed. As I sat him on the edge of the bed trying to convince the wild child it was bed time indeed, he slings himself backwards on the bed as hard as he can landing nearly on our dear dog (a Min-Schnauzer) Molly. Molly has been with us for 5 years so such outbreaks are rather normal for her and in most cases never even budge her to moving. As Chi lands beside her he reaches both arms up around Molly's neck and so sweetly says with a sobering cry "Help me Puppy Help me". Molly didn't help of course, but in turn licks him sweetly. As I pick up my son and lay him on his pillow all I can think is well at least he can vocalize his feelings and wants.



Our quest for getting simpler and enjoying life with peace is starting off to be not so easy. I can't help but wonder why? Is it the wrong path and God is trying to tell us that. Or is it the right path and the devil is trying to stop us. Ha Ha or is it just the mere fact we live in this crazy world. The fact we as a human race have turned our thoughts to complexity and do not know how to function without such. I don't know. Although, I know that anytime you go against the grain or flow you are going to get resistance. I guess pressing through depends on how bad you want something.
I think the more we plan and more we invest our time in things that draw us away from our home the less our lives can be peaceful. Don't get me wrong, I love to be out of the home and go shopping or play volleyball or ride bikes. I just feel that being home more can be relaxing. I am having to train my brain that. I grew up in a home that was always on the go, so being gone for me is second nature. I just see the need for a sanctuary.
On a side note, I have made several crappy decisions in the past. I am hoping I have learned from those mistakes. I am hoping that each crappy choice has led me to knowledge of making a future good choices in those situations. In all cases, God is granting me wisdom through his word. I just need to seek it, as a matter of fact I need to go read right now. So Later.

Thursday, January 14, 2010

First ever...


This year I made a couple of decisions. I made the choice to really read the Bible through in a year. I started last year and got to day 5. I am doing better this year. I am actually on the right day. I also made the choice to blog. I would have started earlier but it took me this long to decide on my blog name.
I guess you need a reason to read my blog so I will attempt to lure with all my sanguine personality I can. Here is a break down of a serious note.We have decided that our life was to complicated to enjoy so we are pursuing to live a simpler life. We desire to live off the land and be more creative. We want to have a paid for home in a short amount of time. We were sucked into the rat race and thought to have stuff once meant we were devoted Christians.The more or bigger or nicer the stuff, the more faith we supposedly had. We have been on a journey this year and have learned to have love and live it and then give it to others is what it is all about.

On a lighter note my life is so crazy right now it's almost 2 am I am writing and my 2 year old son wakes up with a spark in his eye as he runs to his toys and begins a conversation of play with them. Oh boy, Where did his schedule go wrong today? He was up at 8:30 and took a good nap. I put him to bed around 8:30 so normally or a normal child would still be asleep right???

My wonderful daughter Talya is seven and quite the crafty one. I asked her to do the laundry, which for her is separate her clothes from every one's and hang her clothes up. She quite cleverly says "Mom could you come and take your stuff out of this basket and put them in this basket (pointing to another)?" I actually didn't catch it at first then stopped and said "Wait if I do that all that is left is your clothes". Talya then snickered.

My heart goes out to the people in Haiti today.